Saturday, November 7th, 2009...10:15 pm
A Giveaway: Rules for My Unborn Son
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The fine people at St. Martin’s Griffin sent ten copies of Walker Lamond’s Rules for My Unborn Son to be given away to the loyal readers of all plaidout.
The contest to win one is simple: In the comment section below, provide a NEW rule.
The winners will be announced Friday, the 13th of November. Limit one per customer. Best of luck!
154 Comments
November 7th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
A women should never have to carry anything but her purse.
November 7th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
“The conventional parabola – sentiment, the touch of the hand, the kiss, the passionate kiss, the feel of the body, the climax in bed, then more bed, then less bed, then the boredom, the tears and the final bitterness” – Ian Fleming, Casino Royale
Don’t be conventional.
November 7th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
a little bit of clever goes farther than a whole lot of cleavage
November 7th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Avoid running in public.
November 7th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
You can’t win if you don’t enter.
November 7th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Always “Miss”; never “Ma’am”.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:01 am
“clothes maketh the man”
November 8th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Don’t forget that nothing is as simple as it seems.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:16 am
One more rule:
You can never have too many neckties–
or too many dictionaries.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke…
November 8th, 2009 at 6:22 am
Never ask for a woman’s phone number. If she wants to give it to you then she’ll give it to you.
November 8th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Don’t attract unnecessary attention to yourself.
November 8th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Never pass up an opportunity to be silent.
November 8th, 2009 at 7:32 am
a good woman will be more impressed with what you want to do than what you have already done.
November 8th, 2009 at 7:46 am
When dinning or drinking with your girlfriends, mother, sister, or best friend, the tab is always yours to pay.
November 8th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Take sole responsibility for mistakes and share the fruits of your labors.
November 8th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Be punctual to meetings, but being early is best.
November 8th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Eat the smaller half of your sandwich first.
November 8th, 2009 at 9:18 am
“Dress conservatively, think radically, act progressively”
November 8th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
November 8th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Measure twice, cut once.
November 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
If you are truly good at something, you don’t need to tell people, they’ll already know.
November 8th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Never fear loudest guy in a fight, but beware the quietest.
November 8th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Find something about your mother-in-law that you love, tell her.
November 8th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
know when to open a door and also when to close it.
November 8th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
failing to prepare is preparing to fail
November 8th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Family before work. Always.
November 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Do the fifth year. Being a super senior is not as bad as it seems.
November 8th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Doing your best requires an incentive, even if that incentive is to know you have done your best.
November 8th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Use a pen, two handkerchiefs & a pocket Constitution.
November 8th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Wear striped socks.
November 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Never go to bed angry.
B
November 8th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Know when to leave.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Live the Life you Love. Love the Life you Live.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Take Your Time, Put A Little Love Into Everything You Do In Life.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Good manners are free and soap is relatively inexpensive.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
If you want her to know you like her, touch her arm.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Bon Scott over Brian Johnson. Always.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Take her to the beach at night.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
TANSTAAFL
pronounced tan-staff-el
There ain’t no such things as a free lunch.
November 8th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Always carry a handkerchief
November 8th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
When meeting someone for the first time, get off your arse + shake their hand firmly – make eye contact + repeat their first name.
November 8th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Do the right thing and do the thing right.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Those at the back of the line lack ambition, those at the front foresight.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
men dont drink through straws(except for milkshakes, smoothies, or slushies).
November 8th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Put the lid back on.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Know it all, but don’t be a know-it-all.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Remember the other four boroughs.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Don’t ever trust a man who wears his watch facing the inside of his wrist
November 8th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Trust your barber.
November 8th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Every suit goes to the tailor. This is non-negotiable.
November 8th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Rule #1 The bartender is always right.
Rule #2 If the bartender is wrong please refer back to rule #1.
November 8th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Never be afraid to live your truth.
November 8th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
It is better to keep your mouth shut and look like an idiot than to open it and remove all doubts.
November 8th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Speak few words, make deep eye contact instead.
November 8th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Be misunderstood. Be Mysterious.
November 8th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Never ask a woman if she’s pregnant
November 8th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Better to ask forgiveness than permission.
November 8th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Never complain about the rain, you aren’t made of sugar!
November 8th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Be a leader, not a follower.
November 8th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Astrology is NOT the same thing as Astronomy.
November 8th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Her hair always looks great.
November 8th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Don’t use a word unless you are 100% positive of its definition.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:00 am
Make a word up, most great men do.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:37 am
“Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy.”
-Albert Einstein
(Have to bring the plaid in somehow don’t we?)
November 9th, 2009 at 5:51 am
Every one don’t get, is one you won’t get.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Use soap, not dope.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Righty tighty, lefty loosie.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:05 am
If you go hunting, only kill what you are going to eat.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:15 am
Don’t use an axe to embroider.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:17 am
Nobody likes a know-it-all.
November 9th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Never say in 10 words, what you can say in 2.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:12 am
If your’re going to do something Half-Assed – Don’t do it.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:00 am
The best years of your life should always be this one, and the next.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Never, ever, gift a women a membership to the gym. Ever.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:42 am
If she’s in town, the seat goes down.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Be diverse in thought, and resolute in decision.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:53 am
In a jam you can fix anything using nothing but your pocket knife and duct tape.
“Necessity is the mother of invention.” ~ Plato
November 9th, 2009 at 11:35 am
In regards to cologne, one spray will do.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Embrace the physical hangover. The existential one will be coming next.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Know something about everything and everything about something.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Never spend so much on a wallet that you have nothing left to put in it.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
A grown man never orders a drink with grenadine in it.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Avoid “intaxication”, which is euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Don’t let the man bring you down, Son!
November 9th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
You kill it, you cook it.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
“How you do anything is how you do everything.” –Original source unknown.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Get back up quickly, and don’t rub it.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Do what you love, the money will follow.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
If you are going to take a girl out for dinner, take her to a respectable, non-chain restaurant. If you can’t afford it, you cook and clean.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Always carry a handkerchief and a POCKET KNIFE. (Unless you are going to the UN, the airport, or a rock club.)
November 9th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
If you are going to hit someone make sure it only takes one.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
If nothing else, the least a man can do is buy himself a nice pair of dress shoes. Their value cannot be underestimated.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
In the end, no one will be considered with how much money you made, instead they will talk about what effect you had while you where here.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
It’s never unacceptable to walk barefoot at the beach.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
If it makes you happy, it must be good!
November 9th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
You don’t need to know if you know where to go.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Drink a glass of water before bed for every drink you’ve had.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Love as carefully as one invests.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:09 am
less is more. simplify.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:43 am
Set your own pace & ignore the cry of the world.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:39 am
I’ll be honest, and I won’t try to write something clever….”I want this BOOK”!!!!
Keep up the (very) good work.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:26 am
There are rarely enough nachos. Make as many as possible.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Steer clear of mixes (I’m talking to you, Bloody Mary).
November 10th, 2009 at 9:57 am
stay hungry,
stay foolish….
November 10th, 2009 at 10:52 am
If you lose the cap, finish the bottle.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am
It’s not what you do for occupation but what you do for recreation that defines who you are.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:53 am
If given a choice, go for the beer with an animal on the label.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
When a man meets another man, bonding begins when they both say things they hope no one else hears
November 10th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Never toast with water.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
When speaking with someone, make eye contact. Every person, every time.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
The caliber of women out is reduced after 1 am. Proceed with caution.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Work hard play hard.
November 10th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Be an original.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Be wary of people who don’t like dogs.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Don’t be afraid to put pencil to page, an eraser is the best drawing tool.
November 11th, 2009 at 6:46 am
“If you open your mouth, people will know you’re stupid. But, if you keep it shut, they’ll just think you’re stupid.”
November 11th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?
November 11th, 2009 at 7:08 am
If you’re overdressed, you might feel ridiculous. If you’re underdressed, you are ridiculous.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:25 am
“Don’t call me son unless you are going to include me in your will.”
Al Mcguire
November 11th, 2009 at 10:30 am
“80 percent of success is just showing up” — Woody Allen
November 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am
The easiest way to avoid looking lazy or unintelligent is to proofread.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:24 am
The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Tact, above all else, always.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Never get drunk, “over-served” is better.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Be the first to offer your seat…
November 11th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Never ignore another man’s courtesy.
November 11th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Let glue dry.
November 11th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Know when and how to use. Their, They’re, and There.
November 11th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
A gentleman always carries two handkerchiefs. One for himself and one to offer someone in need.
November 11th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
To be early is to be on time; To be on time is to be late, and to be late is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable.
November 12th, 2009 at 12:49 am
Never bring a knife to a gunfight.
November 12th, 2009 at 8:39 am
When in doubt, stand up.
November 12th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Carry a Leatherman. Know how to use it.
November 12th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Never call a woman anything you wouldn’t be comfortable hearing your mother or sister called.
November 12th, 2009 at 10:08 am
“You have to know the rules before you can break them.”
November 12th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Never pay someone to do something that you can do yourself.
November 12th, 2009 at 11:58 am
If you wouldn’t say it, don’t type it
November 12th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
It is better to be average trying something yourself than it is to sit and watch someone else do it exceptionally.
November 12th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Look with your eyes, not with your mouth.
November 12th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Always ask permission before touching another person’s dog or baby.
November 12th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Never utter the phrase, “Oh it was just easier to stay in the hotel out by the airport.”
November 12th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
If away at school, call your parents on Sunday. They will appreciate it.
November 12th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
One sure way to get comments, give away free shit…
November 12th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Rules are for suckers. Use your judgment.
November 12th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Don’t be timid, take risks but always fail forward
November 13th, 2009 at 12:09 am
There is a difference between dressing expensive, and dressing well. Find it.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:09 am
[...] About This Plaid A Giveaway: Rules for My Unborn Son [...]
November 19th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
You will never get what you want by screaming and yelling. Use a calm, firm tone of voice and let them know that you are unhappy and what they can do to correct the situation.
November 29th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Quality is more important than quantity; one home run is better than two doubles.
November 29th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
November 29th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
November 29th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Mustard’s no good without roast beef.
December 4th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
If you are going to do a job, do it right, or don’t bother doing it at all.
January 11th, 2010 at 3:52 am
act first, answer later.
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